I wasn’t doing nothing to nobody last week when I walked out my front door in the early morning. It was a beautiful day, clear skies, kinda’ breathless, just a perfect July morning to praise the Lord for another great day. That’s when I looked up the driveway and noticed that someone had glued egg cartons on the back bumper of the car.
But wait! The back bumper was laying on the ground and what looked like egg cartons was really the stuff underneath if the thing was still attached to the car where it should be. Didn’t nobody glue stuff to my car. Instead, they ripped the bumper off’n the thing.
One suspect immediately came to mind, but a closer inspection was warranted before charges could be filed. The first obvious clues were the elongated holes in the area of the bumper that would have been the top, if’n the thing was where it belonged. These holes looked like they would correspond nicely with the claws of a bear. The deduction makes even more sense when trying to match the damage with something that had enough power to cause it.
But ol’ Brer Bear warn’t content to just savage the bumper. He made an attempt to open a rear door before he got frustrated and ripped the driver-side door handle off. A guy has to surmise that this was not the first time this bear had broken into a car.
He savaged one of the seats and left dirty paw prints all over the inside of the car, then moved to the carport. The only thing he didn’t manage to do was press the button that would have opened the trunk and given him access to the small bag of cat kibble that was in it — probably what he was after anyway.
Once in the carport he tried to eat a plastic quart of motor oil, ditto with a plastic container of insecticide. Ain’t no tellin’ how much of these gourmet items he actually consumed, but he left a right mess in the carport. He did manage to open a heavy plastic container of gopher poison and consume the contents. The thing was almost empty, but I reckon he had a pretty serious belly ache afterwards.
But maybe not: Bears have a digestive system that can handle just about anything. It has to, considerin’ the wide range of stuff they are willing to eat. This is an animal that eats first and then goes back to the stuff if it don’t kill him. The car is now in one of the local body shops. Fish and Wildlife has issued me a kill permit and I’m fix’n to call a certified hunter to work out the details.
One of the things about bears, once they got you on their route they will make regular stops. And one this hungry can cause some serious damage — again.